Suspense Writing



Use the photograph above to write a suspense paragraph.  Remember to use the suspense techniques taught:

  • Short sentences
  • Slow reveal
  • Use your 5 senses
  • Simile and metaphors
  • Repetition
  • Punctuation for effect
  • Ambitious vocabulary

We can’t wait to read them – remember to be as imaginative as possible and proof read your writing for spelling before you post.

201 thoughts on “Suspense Writing

  1. as ,thunder stepped into the dark gloomy cave a sense of evil hit the air. something was not right.Suddenly a scratching noise came from the caves entrance …… he froze ……. all seemed quiet a growling noise came from behind him……. his hands trembled. his sweat poured. his heart thumped …… he swung round …… a bulky figure appeared…

    • I love how you built up the tension in your slow reveal. Furthermore, I thought it was great that you used ambitious and adventurous vocabulary, it made it creepy. Tremendous use of ellipsis.

    • Well done Alex this piece of writing is amazing. Great us of ambitions and adventures vocabulary. In addition you used your slow build up very well you should be proud

    • Wow Alex, Amazing, you have an amazing talent for writing and you should definitely use it. I loved the slow reveal and the suspense. My favourite part was when you said: as thunder stepped into the dark, gloomy cave a sense of evil hit the air. Well done.

    • I liked how you used the describing words to create an atmosphere. I also liked how you used ellipsis. This built tension up in your text.

    • Wow Alex I like how you used a dark gloomy cave between as, thunder stepped into . I also liked how you used ellipsis in between a growling noise came behind him. And finally I liked how you described the figure as a bulky figure appeared.

    • That what great piece of writing Alex!! Great use of adventurous vocabulary such as: gloomy, bulky, trembled. You must be a writer!!!!!!!!!

  2. On the dark stormy night, she walked through the dark, damp forest. Lily could hear twigs breaking.The smell of rotten mushrooms and berries all around her and feeling trees as she went on.Suddenly, Lily saw the house filled with spider webs. As she crept closer and closer, lightning kept on striking like the sound of 100 howling wolves. As she came to the door, the door started to creak open…
    By Victoria

    • An extraordinary use of similes. In addition, you used the correct punctuation in exciting sentences. It was wonderful that you managed to use all five senses in one paragraph.

    • I loved how you included a lot of detail to scare the reader and you made it so that the reader can imagine what is behind the door I think it’s a creepy room and then when Lily walks in the door shuts behind her.

    • well done Vicky your writing was very interesting. I love your ambitions and adventures vocabulary. I have a friend called lily. Great use of your five senses you really made me feel like I was actually in the woods. In addition, all your similes’ were excellent well done cant wait to see more of your further blogs from Francesca from our lady’s.

    • You did everything you were asked to do and more. Your simile is just the icing on the cake. It’s so good I just want to take it home. You used all your senses that give it the cherry on top. It might seem like I’m baking a cake but don’t worry I’m not. You should be very proud if yourself. Best of wishes, Anna.

    • Great use of exciting sentences for example On the dark stormy night , she walked trough the dark , damp forest. Accurate punctuation. great use of ellipses.

    • I like how you used dark, damp forest. I also liked how you used a fronted adverbial in the sentence suddenly, Lily saw the house filled with spider webs.
      Finally I like how you used lightning kept striking like the sound of 100 howling wolves .

    • I like the way that you used an exciting sentence in the beginning of the paragraph. In addition, the phenomenal vocabulary that you used was outstanding. The way you built the story up was fantastic. I enjoyed the way that you ended the story on a cliff hanger. I really want to read more. Well done.

  3. In the distance there was a dark, desalot house. All around the dark and scary house there was lots of mist. There was a noise all around. They slowly turned around and there was nothing there. The trees were swaying side to side. They still creeped forward. Behind them there was a terrifying sound! They turnd around again. Behind them there was an errupting volcano……………… it was just starting to explode!!!

    • Wow this is amazing, and I loved the desolate house bit. You have used adventurous and ambitious vocabulary and built up tension excellently. you wrote a slow reveal and I loved your adjectives.

    • I love all of your writing. The way you described what was around you and what you could hear. The way you built up the tension of you turning round and then you went straight back to what you could see.

    • I love love love your writing! You used super vocabulary: desalot and erupting. Your slow reveal gives it the icing on the cake. Best of wishes, Anna.

    • I like how you used a description of the terrifying sound. and I also liked how you used the ellipsis in the middle of it was just starting to explode. and finally I also liked how you used the trees swaying side to side.

    • WOW! I liked how you described the house as a desalot house. I also liked how you put dark and scary house there was a lot of mist . and finally I like how you used behind them there was an erupting volcano …………….it was just starting to explode.

  4. She slowly walked forward. It was pitch black. No…wait…a light. She walked forward …hands trembling. As she got closer she could recognise where the light was coming from. A house…a tall house…cobwebs, mist. Knock…knock…knock. The door squeaked and opened slowly. ” Hello ” Was anybody there? She got closer into the spooky house. Floorboards creaked. Every doorway looked the same. She couldn’t hear a sound. She knew something wasn’t right. What was going on? A shadow was coming from behind. Someone or something was watching her.

    • I loved the short sentences you used. Furthermore, your use of dialogue was outstanding. You also ended on a cliff-hanger which was brilliant!

    • I love your writing it is such a good build up and the end of the story is the best part. I love the way you told the reader how scared she was by her hands trembling and the glow was an amazing build up to the story. I would love to now what the ghostly shadow was I love the way that you t5old the reader that someone or something was behind them but you had no idea what or who was behind you.

    • I like the way that you described how dark it was and how scared you were and the way that you bought a mysterious light into the story. The hole story is amazing. I personally love the story

    • I love your slow reveal it gives it the icing on the cake. Your rhetorical question is the cherry on top. You should be very proud if yourself. Best of wishes, Anna.

    • Great use of exciting senses. I especially liked your use of dialogue as it really helped to show how scared the character was. I also think it was effective how you used a rhetorical question to ask if anyone was there.

    • I was on the edge of my seat. Really good use of ellipses. I like how you end it on a cliff hanger. Good choice of exciting and adventurous vocabulary. Well done.

      • Well done you are very good at building the tension you really made me scared. Your punctuation was accurate and everything was perfect. I love your story. Well done

    • Good use of ellipses. I like haw you uses Knock…knock…knock. You got me hanging of my seat. I really want to know more about your story.

    • Wow, who was watching her? This is amazing, you included lots of suspense. My heart was racing at the end. My favourite part was: hands trembling. Moreover, your short sentences were very effective. I want to read on, brilliant us of ellipsis. Excellently punctuated dialogue, you have used an amazing range of adventurous and ambitious vocabulary. The adjectives you used were brilliant, the cliff-hanger was super. You have a real talent for writing, this story is phenomenal and outstanding. Good job, you should be proud of this piece of work. 🙂

  5. Thurdous look around , seeing only the damaged buildings and the gloomyness of the ocean . Noises as loud as a whales echo , and the sound of dripping off the walls . She slowly turned and soon she saw a blood stain on the wall leading to somewhere far in the distance . But … at that moment ,she saw a half – man half – creature , Thurdous once again turned around – suddenly the creature awakened ….

    From Aimee

  6. I tiptoed through the ever dampening forest.As my torch died I was surrounded by blackness.A bloodcurdling cry rang out and echoed through the forest as I found my way winding round the never ending trees.Up ahead,I saw a ghostly green light which seemed to be growing bigger and bigger.Something scuttled past me as I stifled a scream. Suddenly, a huge shadow fell over me.I let out an earsplitting screech and fled.

    • did you make it out? I was on the edge of my seat reading it. I was that much imagining it in my head I had Goosebumps I carnt wait to see more of your writing im sure you’ll be successful.

      from caoimhe at our lady’s primary school

    • I love the way that you tiptoed through the forest and the adventurous word such as bloodcurdling and earsplitting. I also like the way that you used a shadow coming up behind you. I love all of the writing.

    • I love the way that the torch died out as you were walking through the forest. I love the way that you said that something scurried around you. All of your writing is amazing.

    • I liked the way you used ‘ghostly green’ to describe the light, it was really effective. You built up tension throughout your text. I also like ‘huge shadow’ as I can imagine that that would be very scary.

    • I like you use of punctuation. I like your use of rhetorical questions. I also like the detail that you have included within your blog.

  7. Everywhere was quiet – not a sound to be heard. Night fell and everywhere was dark and gloomy. Suddenly, an angry looking man came strolling out of his haunted house. He stood there with his hands behind his back watching in silence. Hmm… I wonder what he was going to do? He had no neighbours -he was isolated. The air was polluted; it was as cold as ice. The animals prowled around closer and closer nearer and nearer to the man.

    • Hi my name is Lily your blog buddy nice to meet you.
      Thank you for your comments they were really nice and really long as well so thank you very much. You are a really generous person and nice to.

      This peace of writing of yours is great very well punctuated wiles reading it I was on the edge of my seat it was great I wanted to read even more. You had some great adjectives to it was great well done!

      What is your favourite subject?
      I like :
      And history as well

      Well nice meeting you Ogechi hope to read more of your writing.

    • hi I am Francesca from our lady’s. Great use of ly openers, I was hanging of the edge of my seat reading this story. Well done with your punctuation it was excellent. your similes’ were very descriptive like the air was polluted it was as cold as ice well done from Francesca.

    • I like how you used a hyphen after ‘everywhere was quiet’. I also liked how you used ‘dark and gloomy’ in the middle of ‘Night fell’ and ‘everywhere was quiet’. And I finally liked how you used the exiting senteces in the right place.

  8. Cyfius entered the temple hearing footsteps all around him. Learning that an attack had happened a few hours before. Who did it? He could see blood all around him. All he could smell was the smell of rotten dead people. He could taste the smell of the bodies. All he was touching was dust and mould. He tiptoed further into the temple. Cobwebs brushing against his face. He saw a shadow in the corner of his eye. He saw feet marks. He saw a sign of something there. What was it?

    • Wow your suspense story had me on the edge of my seat, it was so tense! I loved the way you included your slow reveal and I liked your simile: it was as cold as ice.
      You have such a great imagination, if this was entered into a competition you would definitely win. You have a real talent and gift for writing.
      From Poppy, your blog buddy

    • Wow Ruby, this is amazing I was on the edge of my seat. You should be an author, you have a real gift. I love how you’ve built up the tension in your story, brilliant slow reveal and excellent use of rhetorical question. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up when I read this, if this was entered into a competition this would definitely win.
      From Poppy, your blog buddy.

    • WOW I am hanging off my seat right now. I was scared because of the dead bodies. I think I can smell rotten dead people and I can taste the dead people. You should be proud of yourself.

  9. As Jake took a glance ahead, he could only see darkness. Suddenly he heard a dripping noise coming from the trees which towered above him. He put his hand out to feel the dripping; as he took a look at his hand he heard screams echoing around him like a blanket of fear. It was blood what had been causing the dripping noise. He slowly walked closer looking left and right. He stumbled. Twigs broke beside him and the owls hooted in fear. He ran also in fear, but he froze. A large mysterious house stood in front of him…

  10. The darkness swallowed him – he couldn’t escape the dark horror filled forest, for it surrounded him ; He paused ! Because of a twig brushing across his face , feeling like a rough wall. He crept round and over tree stumps carefully watching where he stepped ,to be sure no one was following him. He came across pieces of broken wood, scatted on the forest floor,and a light was shone through the fog ahead. He came closer, and saw a bulky figure standing next to a dark filled house. “Is this where the light was coming from?”

  11. In the dark gloomy forest, stood a large ancient cabin, the forest was foggy and spooky. The cabin was very old and although no one had lived there in a long time, people could here noises from the cabin. As people walked in the woods, they could see dark figures appearing in the light of the cabin and one dark figure always stood next to a tree. The figure glared at people as they walked past. There was a path that lead straight to the front door of the cabin. The path had cockroaches mashed up in the corners. One day, a 11year old boy walked along the dirty path and he noticed the cabin, He knocked on the door it opened by its self, The boy stepped in looking both ways just incase of danger and went inside. He was never to be seen again!

  12. Arielle walked slowly and carefully up the snaking path, she could feel the dew on the leaves and smell trees burning causing thick smoke in the distance. She heard feet scuttling through a heap of leaves! As she walked a little further she could make out a figure stood by a tree, watching her with their beady eyes. As she approached the smoke she could see bright light shining through and realised she’d stumbled upon a dingy, haunted house. She was eager to get inside and as she got closer, the door slowly squeaked open and out popped a head round the door…


  13. It was a dark night, the forest was eerily silent. The house stood alone. A white, thin mist clung to the sides, like evil spirits attempting to seep inside the old, spooky house. A shadowy figure stood silently between the trees. His cold cruel eyes stared at the upstairs window. He thought about his plans and a twisted grin spread across his face. The tall trees surrounding the house stood watching and waiting for what was going to happen next…

    • Olivia you should be very proud of yourself that piece of writing was extraordinary. I think you used lots of ambitions and adventures vocabulary and great use of four A sentences. A brilliant slow reveal! Cant wait to see some of your further blog post I bet they’d all be amazing well done blog buddy.

  14. It was a dark night, the forest was eerily silent. The house stood alone. A white, thin mist clung to the sides, like evil spirits attempting to seep inside the old, spooky house. A shadowy figure stood silently between the trees. His cold cruel eyes stared at the upstairs window. He thought about his plans and a twisted grin spread across his face. The tall trees surrounding the house stood watching and waiting for what was going to happen next…

    • Olivia im lost for words its that good you should be very proud of yourself .
      I carnt wait to see more of your writing. im sure you will become successful in your writing because im sure every one else will like it.

      from caoimhe our lady’s primary school

    • Really good vocabulary. I love how you built it up. I also like how you put ellipses at the end of the story. Really good punctuation. Well done.

  15. Cautiously, she tip toed up the path. In the distant she heard noises, and felt like the trees were watching every move she made. She hesitated. There in front of her stood a house with crooked roof tiles and a creaky door. The lights flickered on, and a dark figure appeared…

  16. One cold winters night Jasper Granger went out to the park with all of his friends but when all of his friends had gone home Jasper realised that he was in the middle of a forest … a dark gloomy forest. Jasper looked left and all he could see were trees , Jasper looked right and again all he could see were trees. Now he was getting scared! He turned around and just about caught a glimpse of fog and a murky shadow in the distance. Jasper slowly tiptoed closer wondering if someone could hear the twigs snap when he stepped on them. He looked closer and saw an old abandoned shed…

  17. A figure crept closer and closer to the darkness he knew he would be brave but he was swallowed by the darkness, he felt a cold breeze brushing against him then he heard a shriek , then a green ghastly glow filled the damp dank cave.

  18. She followed the rocky path and reached a ramshackle,old,eerie and creepy mansion. Lights flickered in all of the rooms. Emma didn’t want to go into the mansion but she wanted to kill the unknown beast that was haunting the village. Emma hesitantly tried to open the door and surprisingly it was open… someone had been here not a long time ago .She could smell the meat and blood of a human ,it was very dark,she could hardly se where she was walking.she felt the wall beside her and it was wet ,she looked down at her hand and she saw blood.she heard giant footsteps and scanned the room for somewhere to hide, she ran and hid under the wooden stairs.A figure left the room and there it was the evil beast …

      • hi charlotte your story is amazing I like the way you ended it on a cliff hanger I hope you bring out part 2. I would like to now who the beast was.
        I like all the adventurous vocabulary use used such old, eerie, creepy.
        I love the whole story I would love to find out what happened next. From your blog partner Amy.

  19. One spooky night,Ivy saw an abandoned house in the woods,there was a train track leading to the terrifying house,it was a pitch black night and all Ivy saw was a light shinning out of a bedroom window.All Ivy could here was wolfs howling then suddenly Ivy heard a… Scream! coming from the bedroom window,Ivy was terrified.Then suddenly Ivy saw a shadow behind a tree it looked like a person with a woman’s head and a bulky body Ivy tried not to scream but she did the monster turned around.what will happen next…?

    • This is amazing, I love the way you built up suspense in your slow reveal. My heart was racing when I read this. Moreover, you used ambitious and adventurous vocabulary. Furthermore, you used a rhetorical question which encourages the reader to read on to find the answer.
      From Poppy, your blog buddy.

    • Great use of ellipsis. Good use of ambitious exciting sentences. I liked how you put there was a ‘person with a woman’s head and a bulky body’, because it sounds creepy.

  20. Slowly,Apollo edged ever nearer to his destination.As he sprawled across the the railway tracks,leading from the abandoned mineshaft,he heard a noise
    Apollo admited he was scared(although there was not actually anyone to admit it to)….
    When he reached the house he was as quiet as a mouse.He could hear nothing,smell dust,feel rotting wood beneath him and see everything.Suddenly, a cobweb brushed his face.He stifled a scream.He walked into a room.something lay there. Haaaaaaa, hooooooo!It snored.

  21. That day, Ellie decided to have a walk in the woods so that she can take pictures for her school project. Without walking far, Ellie began to see it had already got a bit dark. It was very foggy and musty in the woods, and the trees were very tall so that the tops were hidden in the clouds. Suddenly, she saw a track, a muddy track, almost hidden by the trees. Ellie thought for a second that she knew her mother would get annoyed soon. That didn’t stop her from going on and exploring. Next, it started to get darker and foggier. It looked very muddy on the path and she didn’t have wellies on. If she walked down would she make it? What would be at the end of the path? So, she decided to carefully walk over the path. After a few steps her shoes started to fill with squelchy mud. She had to run, but then without even blinking she saw something not that far away…..What could it be? Her shoes were filling! She had to run! Then she slowly found out what the thing in the distance was. It was a very old abandoned shed in the middle of the woods. She saw that on the old door there was a rusty sign up saying WARNING DANGER!!!

    By Eve C

  22. The door creaked open. Zigzagged walls around Spartacus! Scanning the caves, he heard scuttling sounds! Suddenly, he turned a corner and found Razordom!! The evil villain was swift around Spartacus. After a while Spartacus began to become dizzy….

  23. It was a moonlit night, i remember walking through a forest but it turned out not to be any ordinary forest: there was a short path i took, it lead me to the end. i found one light, yet it was not very good. i followed it. it lead me to a deadly looking cottage. i ran away back to the end of the forest i remember thinking, why was i even here. quickly, i took out my pad and pen an began to write what i saw. i saw ”a huge cottage so i guess it wasn’t a cottage. it was dark brown with lots of different bricks mad cup of it. The forest
    tree’s were light green all on the ordinary.”Unswear of what to do i ran as far back as possible.

  24. With Trepedaition we crept in through the crooked Door of the dark and mysterious house meanwhile a spider brushed across my foot making me shudder like a volcano was about to arrupt. The door creecked when I pushed it open .What where we about to find?!

    Written by Ted

    • Nice description of how you felt it really makes the reader know how you felt. Amazing use of vocabulary and I absolutely loved your last sentence because it got the reader on the edge of there seat and you used a rhetorical question. Nice work!

  25. Horno was Peacefully walking when a villager ran up to him and told Horno “helpavus! our children at the village are disappearing into the labrinth! Please! Help us!”. So Horno was approching the labrinth. As Horno entered the dark labrinth,he began to feel the walls to find something unusal. Suddenly, he heard a loud screaming of children. Then he felt something unusal on the wall. It felt like a liquid, when he looked at it is was crimson red colour. Tosshen he realised it was blood. Then he smelled something gross, it was blood

  26. As Jack stumbled upon what looked like a dark siloet frozen next to a dark coloured tree , his eyes glanced towards the house and he silently stepped towards the building. Suddenly he saw the door open, the hinges squealed and a scream coming from the enterance. It was as if he’d seen the door open by its self ,but it didn’t…he saw a large eye staring at him through the window and frighteningly the dark siloet had moved from next to the tree it was not there nor anywhere. But stood in front of him, Jack’s eyes previewed the ghost of his Death… Jack wanted to run, but is was as if he had been cemented to the spot,the figure slowly wandered towards him and pulled out a mighty axe from under he’s tattered cloak. Jack took a great breath in and ran…

    • max i love your pice of writing well done.
      good use of ambitious and adventurous vocabulary for example: glanced, frighteningly and mighty.
      in addition, excellent slow revile i really liked it.
      good way to end it on a clip hanger. well done

  27. Silently, but swiftly Hermione approached the house . CRASH . Something scuttled in the darkness . Dew drops of sweat slid down her neck . Her heart was pounding now . Howls of dogs filled the air . She ran . Suddenly , something dripped . It was a warm substance . Trying to avoid things like that Hermione carried on . Every bit of her was covered with blisters and splinters . Snap ! Something cracked in the distance . CRASH ! Something scuttled again . Advancing towards her were snakes of all colours . A loud screech filled the woods ( The Whomping Willows ) . The snakes hurried into the distance until all that could be seen was trees . She was getting closer now . Just then Hermione saw something that made her heart race . It was …

  28. Deep in the terrifyingly dark forest, Larry who had become lost on his long journey home from school , crept up the treacherous pathway . Ahead of him stood colossal,monstrous trees towering over everything below. As he approached the spine tingling,blood curdling house there was a small movement to the side of him it came from inside a rather large bush there was rustling coming from inside. All of a sudden there was a whisper, he stopped dead in his tracks . At that moment his jaw dropped a light appeared from what looked like an attic . He opened the green door with vines stretched horizontally across which were as tall as a giraffes and as wide as the wing span of an eagle.He stumbled up both floors and with much regret ran into one of the rooms . He heard drilling and loud cackling from behind he turned and with much discus what looked like ann evil doctor was working on animals. He then made the biggest mistake of his life without looking where he was going he stepped on a twig the mad doctor heard this with his syringe in hand he let out a giggle then slowly moved towards him …

  29. Aurora stumbled to the ground. Still panting, she got up. She feel the ground shaking. As quickly as possible, she, still out of breath, started to run. Awful things traveled through her mind. The tiger was getting closer, Aurora could feel it. Her heart beat fast. Twigs snapped on the forest floor and the roots of the trees started to move. Suddenly the growl of the tiger met her ears. Aurora fell. She tried to get up but he couldn’t. Her vision went blury. The tiger pounced on Aurora. Aurora fainted…..
    The breeze from the sway of the trees woke her up. The tiger was gone. Or was it. Just then, she spotted, in the corner of her eye, a crooked house. Cautiously, she stood up. There was no sign of a tiger. Her heart beat fast – very fast. She didn’t know if she was safe. The swaying sound of the trees grew louder. Without making a sound, Aurora walked up to the strange house. The door creaked open. Ivy started to grow up the sides of the walls. The windows opened. Then a whispering voice came from inside the house. ” Come in, my dear, ” ” I have plenty of room for you here…. “

  30. Soon I came across a rather peculiar and creepy building.Warily I approached it. Crack… a twig snapped, but it wasn’t me. Quickly, I turned around; I saw an ominous shape crawling towards me. I had no choice, but to go into the terrifying building which made a shiver run down my spine. Slam! The rusty rusty door shut behind me. From the light of the moon, I could just about make out the shapes of old furniture. But what was that in the corner?

  31. Out of the darkness, a strange green glow illuminated the fog. I moved cautiously towards the light. The leaves crushed and crackled beneath my feet as I walked, the only sound except for the distant hooting of an owl. The cold wrapped around me like an icy, wet blanket. Then through the fog I saw a house. Black and terrible looking, it made me stop dead. For a moment I wanted to turn and run, but my feet would not move, paralysed by fear. The smell of something rotten filled my nostrils and stopped my breath. Then I saw it. Amongst the trees – a figure. A strange, motionless figure. And it was looking straight at me…


  32. The Abandoned House!

    There was only one thing possible.He ran from the shadow,until reaching the deepest and dampest part of the forest.There was a house.It looked quite peculiar. Amray looked at it and thought.He started to mumble, ”I mean it is near Halloween maybe it is an old house with over the top decoration!”
    A few days earlier, Amray and his friends decided to go on trip to the woods, but on the first night Amray was lost whilst trying to find some fire wood when he saw a shadow that was tall,skinny and glowing redness. That is when he started to run.
    He opened the door after knocking several times. “Hello! Is anyone here?” he hollered but with no reply.He started to feel that this was a house that was full with ghouls. Suddenly,the house shook and a big burst of yellow light appeared. ”Funny you should be here child?” said a deep voice.

    By Keira 😮

  33. It was Tuesday night, when charlie baker had a mission to go and find STORM the terrifying monster. As Charlie trembled further into the deep dark forest he heard something a loud scream ! shaking like a leaf Charlie carried on suddenly something touched his back. What was it he thought? holding his owns tears in he trembled further
    into the deep dark forest. in the distant Charlie saw bright YELLOW EYES …

    • Very, very creepy i cant imagine the bright yellow eyes and I could imagine what the beast looked like i can imagine a creepy and dark, hairy and tall, zombie like creature with teeth like saws and fists like bricks and a scaly, slimy tail. It has a large, bumpy spike on its back and then says ” I think I found myself dinner!” in a creepy, low and croaky accent.

    • I love the way that you described what day it was and who was with you. I like how you told the reader how scared you were and that you slowly went into the woods as scared as ever.

  34. With fear building up inside me, I walked closer to the terrifying house. I walked closer and closer wondering what I would find inside. All around me the wind swirled and the trees swayed back and forward. A loud hoot from high above, stopped me in my tracks. I glanced up but could not find the creature. Instead I noticed the full moon, hidden behind the tall towering trees. Thoughts of werewolves filled my head. I panicked and ran towards the house. If I thought I would find a friendly face…I was wrong!

  35. Your writing is the best that I have seen so far and you have used full stops and capital letters. Also, you used an exciting sentence in your third sentence. It was brilliant.

  36. Very good. I love how you built up to your slow reveal, the descriptive words you used and terrifying phrases… they nearly made me run out of the room!

  37. I love the use of full stops and capital letters. Also, you used exciting sentences. I liked the alliteration in ‘tall towering trees’.

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